Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Chase The question recently came about Of what started me on this route. Here's a reminder for you all To know why I became diabolical.  Oh, how grand.  I look like an old man. Is it my smile or nose?  It can't be my tan. Is it my cheek bones?  My jaw line? Tell me now or I'll threaten to cry and whine!     "What started it all?"  You ask.  What turned me from cutely innocent to diabolical and maniacal?  What started me on this quest to drive my parents mad?     Well, you're looking at it ladies and gents.     My parents couldn't get enough of that oh so famous Star Trek.  So, guess what they did the moment I was born!  They compared me to their favorite captain:  Jean-Luc Picard. "Oh, look at her eyes!" "No, look at her chin!' "Can't you see, it's in her expression!" "It's Patrick Stewart.  Yes, it is!" Oh, how grand.  At just a few hours old, I apparently look like an old man. 

 As Logged By: Agent West With The Puppy A diabolical plot was hatched One that could never be matched, Because the Puppy is coming over today! But, now, I’m too tired to play. Agent Chase’s truce may have ended, I think I’ll make mine extended. A simple truce to get some sleep As long as no one makes a peep.     “Guess what, West!” Mommy squeals just as I was finally getting some shut eye. “Your puppy friend is coming over to play today.” Huh? The Puppy? Today? No way! The Diabolical Drei knew this day was coming. Mommy couldn’t keep quiet about her mischievous plan of a play date between this diabolical dude and… The Puppy! To add extra emphasis, a lightning bolt burst brightly outside. I might have thought that was cool. I might have laughed, thrown a toot, and drooled. But, this baby got no shut eye last night. And all because of those lightning bolts. First one storm, then the next. All stinking night! And, now, th

 As Logged By: Agent Rose A burp exploded very loudly That would have me beaming proudly. Except I was fast asleep. Never did I make a peep. Teddy bear burp like that? Never! I’d bet my hat. Guilty Daddy needs to confess, Before Teddy Bear toots a stinky mess.     What was that? UUUGGGGHHHH! I lift my head and blink not once, but thrice. Something has woken me up!?  But, this is nap time. This diabolical sweetie is supposed to sleep at nap time. UUUGGGGHHHH! Is there an emergency? Has something catastrophic happened? I groggily look around, still exhausted and wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep, but all I see is Daddy standing in the kitchen. A soda bottle in his hand. “Oh,” he smiles when he sees me looking at him. “Are you already awake, Sweetie? You normally don’t wake up for another half an hour.” I know that, Daddy. But, something (hint, it’s you!) has woken me up. I set my glare and wait for hi

 As Logged By: Agent Chase This story starts once upon a time, A villain committed a dastardly crime. He tickled everyone near and far With tickling powers that were most bizarre. Until the day everyone was saved When he became a statue and sent to his grave. But someone accidentally pushed the lever For his powers to take over parents’ minds forever!     One can’t blame parents for their crazy need to tickle us babies until we toot, poop, and scream. Their minds are being controlled by the powers of the villainous Mr. Tickle Toes! Long ago, hundreds and hundreds of years… or so, the evil Mr. Tickle Toes raced from town to town, wreaking havoc worse than a horde of clowns. Into the shops, the castles, the houses he would sneak and tickle his victims until they shrieked! “Please, no more tickling,” they would beg. “I can’t take it. I’m going to faint!” He caused so much mayhem that the kingdoms came together. “We must stop this Mr. Tic

 As Logged By: Agent West I so loved eating those nasty greens. The ones that tasted worse than sardines. It’s time for me to pay Mommy back In a way that just might make her crack! This has to be something truly diabolical And, how about, a little bit comical. A half eaten pickle I see. And a window as dirty as can be.     Yuck, yuck, YUCK! I’m still trying to get that taste out of my mouth. I’ve had spinach before and loved it. I’ve eaten kale and handled it. What, then, did Mommy do to make those greens look, taste, and smell so bad!? Yuck! Make the disgusting taste go away! I need to get Mommy back after making me eat those nasty greens. Too bad I didn’t borrow a page from Agent Chase. I could have hidden a handful and given it to the Puppy! No, not even the Puppy would have eaten that congealed glob of green nastiness. I’ll still have to get her back, or my name isn’t Agent West: diabolical dude of spit bubble abominab

 As Logged By: Agent Rose A rumble growls from down the hall Making me shake and feel quite small Where’s my stink bear to protect me? More rumbling and grumbling. What can it be? Quiet! Someone’s opening my door! Why did I leave my stink bear on the floor? Now, there’s a shadow lurking into the room. Another rumble! As loud as a thunder’s boom!     GGRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHH! What is that frightening sound? A hungry bear? An angry lion? A scary monster sneaking out from the linen closet? With large claws and sharp fangs? “AAH!” Okay, I admit it! This diabolical cutie is scared!!!!! GGRRRRRAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Where is my stink bear? Where is he? My favorite gift from Agent West, who will protect me and keep me safe? WHERE ARE YOU!? Oh, no! I remember now. I was tossing and turning. I couldn’t get to sleep. In a temper tantrum moment, I tossed my cuddly wuddly bear to the floor. Is he still there? I crawl over

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Nothing could ever compare To something so simple, but not rare. A toot in the face will leave Mommy crying Especially when Daddy laughs like he’s dying. He’s laughing so hard He’s let down his guard. Now, here comes baby Chase, Ready with a toot in his face!     Eating as quickly as can be is not my style. I like to enjoy each bite and savor the flavor, but this diabolical mastermind is on a mission. One that’s almost ready to explode. I feel the gas bubbling down my tummy. Where is Mommy hiding? “Wah!” I yell and wait to see if that does the trick. “What is it, Sweetie?” Mommy asks as she comes into the room, never once sensing that she’s falling into my trap. Daddy follows right behind. “Is everything okay?” He asks. Neither one of them noticing that I’m preparing to aim. “Maybe she just…” FFPPPHHHRRRRRRRTTTTTT! “UGH!” Mommy cries. “Right in my face.” Her face pinches so t