Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By:  Agent West     A phone call's all Mommy needs For advice on dealing with some weeds. But, talking to Fanny is not easy When she has a dude as diabolical as me.   What results is a call so funny It has me laughing like a loony bunny. Will Mommy hear what Fanny says About fixing her flower beds.     Mommy's pacing back and forth.   All as I watch with diabolical anticipation.  Any minute now Mommy will slip on a little spilled pudding that may look like a runny poopy.   Back and forth she huffs and taps her arm...   OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!   Just trip already!   "I don't want to call her," Mommy calls out.   "Then text her," Daddy responds from the other side of the house.   Mommy paces and paces some more...  Never once finding that slick spot on the floor.  She huffs and grumbles to herself, then mumbles and meek, "I can't text her."   "Why not?"   Mommy throws her head ba...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose   One day a cat came over Knowing Mommy'd have food for her. Next came quite a shock That hit Mommy like a rock.   So she wrote the story down, While I plotted on the playground. It's in Chicken Soup on the Soul! Great, now Mommy's choking on an egg roll.   "No way!?  NO WAY!?"   I pause in dropping a half eaten apple in a specific hiding spot, one that Mommy's sure to find someday, and check what's going on as Mommy yells then shrieks.  She's done this before, just barely a month ago.    Wait, did she get another Chicken Soup for the Soul?   "Look, Honey!  LOOK!  It's arrived.  The latest Chicken Soup for the Soul book!  The Best Cat Ever!"   Daddy glances up from his phone.  "Is this that story you wrote long ago?"   "YES! The one about the mamma cat that I fed when she came to visit, then she..."   SHHHHH!   Don't give the secret away.    I go ahead and l...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   Mommy's brought me to trunk or treat As I'm dressed like a little beet. My baby Gobbles has tagged along And is showing off his brand new song.   Everyone in costumes for Halloween   Including that Puppy dressed like a bean. A giant cookie monster gives a fright Then it thinks Gobbles is a tasty delight!   Please explain, oh mother dear, please explain just one more time why you've dressed this diabolical mastermind...   As a BEET!   Of all the costumes out and about, why, oh why, did Mommy pick a root?   It even has a tail, the long end of the beet's root sticking out behind me.     I look like a rounded dragon!   One complete with a green leafy top.  Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, how tonight is going to be a flop.   "Gobble, gobble!"    Onto my lap Gobbles jumps and I actually manage a smile.  He snuggles down right beside me, with a tiny guitar strapped around his feath...

 As Logged By:  Agent West   A broken leg has Daddy home Where he works and tries to roam. What's these numbers on the screen? It's the craziest thing I've ever seen.   Maybe Daddy needs some help While he eats some chips made of kelp. I'll just click and tap and smash. Uh oh, was that a crash?    "Rats," Daddy huffs as he stares at his computer screen.   TAP, TAP, TAP... SMACK!    Mommy jumps and forgets about playing with me.  "What is it?"   "I just made a mistake."     "Do you normally smack the computer so hard at work?"   Instead of answering Mommy, Daddy chooses to ignore her.  After a few seconds, she starts to seethe.  Her nostrils flare and there may be some steam.  But Daddy doesn't notice, he's too busy peaking toward the kitchen.  "Maybe I just need a snack."   Before Mommy can say a word, Daddy hoists himself up and hobbles on in.  He drags one leg behind him, where it'...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    Mommy's done it again. A Chicken Soup for the Soul win!  Two stories in their holiday book She hopes everyone will take a look.   One about procrastination, The other a cookie abomination!  Watch her run and scream and scream When all I want is some ice cream.        "HAHA!"   I jolt awake and look about.  What monstrous crazy has just woken me?   Ohhhhhhhhhh...   It's Mommy.   "The book has arrived!  IT'S ARRIVED!!!!"   Zoom, zoom.  She runs from one room to the next and I start to wonder if she's hit her head.  Dashing left and right.  She really has lost it this time.   This little, diabolical cutie was really enjoying her sleep.  Maybe I can get a little more shut eye.   "ROSIE!"   Crap!   Mommy lifts me and swings me around.   "Look!  LOOK!  The latest Chicken Soup for the Soul book is out!  This one is called,...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase    Mommy left for some meeting The days were anything but fleeting. Now, she's coming back today And bringing Gobbles some special hay!   In the door Mommy walks And all she does is talks. Look at this baby's happy dance And Gobbles' adorable prance.     What is a diabolical mastermind to do?   For three days I've had leftovers from the same casserole.  Something healthy, something without soul.  No taste, just waste.  Such a blah existence for a baby.   I can't blame Daddy, he's doing his best.   Especially since he's going without his rest.   Yes, yes, yes.  This little one has kept Daddy up every single night.  What fun!     Now, he's dragging his feet.  He can barely get the food in the microwave, let alone prepare a house that I've destroyed before Mommy gets home.   Hehe!   But!!!!!!!!!!!!   Today's the day!  Mommy's coming home and I'm...

 As Logged By: Agent West    The big day has come For some cake, and then some. I see the numbers four and oh, And I gotta say, 'woah!'   Time once again has won! Mommy's thirties are gone. Will she sing goodbye? Or will she cry, cry, cry?     "You seem in a cheery mood," Daddy notices with a cautious grin.   "I'm doing great!"  Mommy boldly exclaims.  "It's my birthday and I feel wonderful."   "Just so long as your dad doesn't have any surprises planned," Daddy whispers under his breath and buckles me in for a car ride to the grandparents.   "There's my little stinker!"  Grandpa greets as soon as we arrive.  "Who's my tooty pants?"   And with that, I've got to let one out.   PPPHHHHHHRRRRRRRFFFFFFFTTTTHHHHHHPPPPPPPTTTTTTT!   "Ugh, Dad!"  Mommy growls and whisks me away as Grandpa cackles and cracks!  "Not on my birthday."    In a flash Mommy whips off the dirty diaper an...