Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Chase A comfortable nap is best on Mommy's lap. I'll be taking a long snooze And dreaming of plans to choose. If cabbage and beans can stink Worse than scrambled eggs after a week What might happen if we Feed it to everyone?  Hehe! Ahhh, this is the life. I get away with diabolically tooting in Mommy’s face, then I get to nap on the best bed in the house. Mommy’s lap. Just place a pillow on her legs and lay me down for some comfy zz’s. Do I care if Mommy is taking advantage of my napping to get work done on the computer? Of course not! Not for now, at least. Besides... I won’t tell Agent Rose. I won’t dare mention it to Agent West. Let them keep plotting and planning their next diabolical deed for the Diabolical Drei. After those diabolically horrific gas pains, I deserve this little break. Mommy may look a little green in the face. She may be staring at her tea and wishing for a drink, but still be too sickened by my o...

 As Logged By: Agent West Mommy thinks it’s just a game But her fake screams are kinda lame Let’s get Mommy yelling loud Something that will make Agent Chase proud Pulling hair is so much fun Especially when Mommy starts to run Oh, look. Hair in my hand Should I hide it in the sand?     Something terrible has happened! Something diabolically tragic!   Something so unspeakably inconceivable that I'm still in total shock that it is even possible.  I’m out of gas! The idea was perfect. Agent Chase had laughed. Agent Rose giggled. All I needed was one toot. One good whopper to surprise Mommy with just as she set me down in my sandbox. One that would leave a diabolical stink in her mouth.   Hehe. But, no! No, no, no! No gas!   Outdoor playtime always, always, always works to get my toots flowing. Why, oh why, don’t I have any gas? What can I do now? Mommy is walking me out the backdoor. She’s heading down...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose Agent Rose's Mom The time has come to sing thine song of whispering meadows and angels dancing happily along. Let thine eyes flutter fast asleep. No need for Mommy to make a sound. Escape not even a single peep. Oh, how I relish the quiet nap time with that first sigh of release and, possibly, a glass of wine Where I can sit back and rest mine limbs for much longer than a second and my mind can roam through many, many whims. Ones of running madly through a field or in a race where they throw dust paint, Which will cover me like a shield. Or of soaking in a bubble bath One that lasts until my eyelids droop As I bask in the moment I hath. Fear not, my precious baby. I’m still only in the other room. A single baby’s cry away But for these last few moments I shall relish in the peace of these quiet bestowments. WWWAAAHHHHHH! WWWAAAAAHHHH! WWWAAAAHHHHH! Oh well, dreams meant for another day Another time...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase I let out cries and wails From the pressure on my tummy, But this pain prevails. It hurts worse than playing gin rummy. Bring on the chamomile. Pull out the ginger. Why did I eat a meal That could so well injure? “WAAAHHHHHH!”   Oh, the pain.  The pain! Forget the diabolical plans. Forgo the toot bombs and tissue attacks. For dear, old Mommy has found a way to make this baby pay! That’s right. You’ve heard it straight from this diabolical mastermind’s mission log.    Mommy got back at me for all of the stinky toot bombs I’ve exploded at her and all of the rooms covered in torn up, shredded to bits tissues with… With… Cabbage and beans! The gas powerhouses of the food world. The two culprits now wreaking havoc on my poor, itty, bitty tummy. The tangled knots!  The twisting cinches!  The pressure pushing and pushing, but never moving! I can't bear it! "WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" I promise, dear,...

 As Logged By: Agent West Sliding off the bed Will give Mommy quite a scare I’ll aim with my head And scream like a bear It hurts to go down headfirst Especially when I land This bump is the worst It’s the size of my hand     Sitting on Mommy’s bed is plain, old boring. There’s nothing to do, but blow spit bubbles and wait for her to finish folding the clothes.   And this abominable dude is tired of blowing spit bubbles.   I stare at Mommy folding the clothes, a diabolical plan hatching in my head. Hmm… My head… Now that is a brilliant idea. I should use my head to get Mommy’s hairs to stand on end. Oh, that would give her a scare like no other. I keep an eye on her as I sneak over to the side of the bed. I take a look over the edge. Whew. That’s a long way down. But, wait! There are pillows on the floor by the corner of the bed. Surely, it won’t hurt to fall headfirst onto those. What if Mommy doesn’...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose   Mommy's wearing her snack And looking pretty funny. I wonder if she'd want them back After I feed her like a bunny.   Perhaps I will take one bite. They can't be all that bad. I'll chew with all my might, But their flavor is just sad.     Has Mommy fallen ill? Is she trying on a new mask? What are those green things covering her eyes? I shuffle over for a closer look. Those green and shiny disks look quite ridiculous. And they smell watery, too. Wait… Is this some sort of trick? Has Mommy devised a plan to capture this diabolical sweetie? Is she planning on taking me to the doctor for a checkup? Or back to Auntie P’s? There’s only one way to find out. Keeping as quietly as I can, I crawl my way closer to where Mommy is lying on the floor. I peek to the left, I peek to the right. All is apparently clear. I raise my arm and lean a little closer and… WHACK!!! “Rosie!” Mommy yel...