Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent West Christmas morning had nothing under the tree Not a present was there for me. Except, for a single Easter egg. From some Captain Sneaky-Leg. That egg sent me on quite the chase. Hurry!  We must quickly make haste! This adventurous tale might never end If we don't find the X, my friend. It's here!!!!!!!!!! Wake up, you crazy parents!  Wake up! "WAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" "Gugh," Mommy groggles.  "West, I'm coming." Finally, they're awake.  What's a baby to do on Christmas day?  Send a hoard of stink bombs their way? "Who's ready to open their presents?"  Mommy squeals as she picks me up. Is she serious?  I've been trying to wake her for minutes and she doesn't know if I want to open my presents or not?  Haven't I been a good baby for the last two days? Mommy carries me down the stairs.  I close my eyes, the suspense is threatening to make me toot. PPHHHHHRRRRRRTTTTTTHHHHHHTTT! "Eww, West.  M...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose   Who doesn’t like a Christmas cookie? Whether fancy or simply low key. But, Mommy won’t stop baking And the oven timer has me waking. Time to put an end to all of this I’ll take the cookie with a chocolate kiss Munch, munch, munch on my parent’s bed Til’ the crumbs keep them awake instead.   Beep!  Beep!  Beep! Not again.   How's a girl to get her tooty beauty sleep if Mommy keeps setting that blasted oven timer all through the day AND night? Beep!  Beep!  Beep! That's it... "WWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" "Oh, Rosie.  Did I wake you?"  Mommy asks as she comes in to comfort me.  "I'm sorry, Sweetie, but you know that I have to make enough cookies for the family or someone might not get one of each. One of each?  How many types of cookies has this woman been baking?   As soon as Mommy carries me into the kitchen, I see the stacks and stacks of cookies.  Green ones shaped like t...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Agent Chase's Mom The holidays are an interesting time Where families get together and enjoy key lime. It's also a time of sibling rivalry. And, this time, I've brought the cavalry. My sister thinks she can embarrass me. But, Gobbles has given me reason to say, "We'll see." A random deer leg in the woods? Gross!  Hmm... What interesting goods. How is it that I always love the holidays: the family coming together, the cold weather nipping at my nose, the hot chocolate, the laughter, the merriment, the decorative beauty. And, at the same time, I can’t stand them! This morning is no different. I’m standing outside, knowing that my baby Chase is planning something diabolical to frazzle more of my hair, yet what is really on my mind is my sister. And our rivalry… Did she have to embarrass me last night? It was supposed to be a fun game night for the family. Instead, she got everyone laughing at me as she brought up...

 As Logged By: Agent West Another dirty diaper is tossed into the pail After a poopy so stinky, it made Mommy wail. It doesn't look all that full. Could it fit Mommy's sweater, the one made of wool? That's not enough, I'll give it some more. A wallet, a purse, those pearls they adore. Next this bowl of chocolate pudding cake. Wait!  Pudding cake?  Time for a break. "Ugh, West!"  Mommy shrieks between gasps.  "This one's the worst," she coughs and gasps.   Hehe!   I may have sneaked some cabbage and beans and I may have added a stink bomb...   Or three.   Mommy's eyes water.  Her nose crinkles.  Still, she works as fast as she can to get the dirty diaper off and into the diaper pail.     "Whew," she sighs once the atrocity is gone.  "West, you're pushing it.  I know that stink wasn't just something you pooped out, little man."   You may be right, but I've moved on from that diabolical success.  Now, my s...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose I do love a good turkey leg If it's fried, I'll even beg. But, Auntie P has gone batty Dancing to Christmas music with Catty It's starting to get on my nerves. All those dips, trips, and swerves. How am I to enjoy my turkey When she is acting so quirky? Mmm, Mmm, Mmm... Thanksgiving, here I come! Mommy has set the dining table and, even, gave me a special spot just to the side of the premier head seat.  That can only mean one thing! I get a turkey leg! Uncle Fred has used his fryer, much to Auntie P's protests, and now that turkey is delicious, and moist, and crispy, and yummy, and I.  Am.  So.  Ready.  For.  This. I even set aside my diabolicalness.  All just to make sure that I get a perfectly amazing turkey leg. "I know what this table needs," Auntie P announces before the family can say grace.  "We need some Christmas music!" "Why?"  Daddy groans, followed by Mommy, Uncle Fred, and the rest.  "Shouldn'...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase I hear Gobbles gobbling close by. He’s sneaking closer to the pie. Will he try to eat it? Or, is he going to fling it? A crazy turkey is on the loose. Not to be confused with the plastic goose. Does he think we’re going to eat him? When we really want to keep him! Thanksgiving is fast approaching, which means that Mommy and Daddy are running around like crazy. I’ve tried throwing stink bombs in their paths, I’ve tried letting out toots with stinky gas. But, they’re too wired to notice anything. Not even the sauerkraut I stealthily slipped into their coffee! Gobble, gobble. There’s that noise again… I heard it last night before I went to bed. This diabolical mastermind knows something is afoot. Someone is sneaking around. Someone is watching me. I can feel it in my diaper. I look to the left. I look to the right. But, I can’t find anything from behind this play pen. “ Where is he?!” Mommy runs ...

 As Logged By: Agent West The Sheriff and three babies succeeded! They saved Grandma and the bunnies were defeated. But Grandma knew the bunnies would come back. Who can resist a delicious marshmallow snack? Marshmallows, marshmallows everywhere Until the bunnies start to shout, “Beware!” A magic spell that turns them into marshmallows too? Sounds too far fetched to be true.     I love the story of how the Sheriff and three babies saved Grandma from the marshmallow crazed bunnies almost as much as I love blowing a good spit bubble. But, Agent Chase left the best part out.   Do you want to know how that Grandma made sure they could keep going camping and keep roasting their marshmallows without ever fearing of another bunny attack?   As the story goes: The Grandma, the Sheriff, and the three babies all cheered.  They hooted and tooted that they escaped the crazy bunnies' lair.   "That was some stench!"  Grandma c...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose Mommy's getting quite excited. Her writing bug has been ignited. Now she has two stories to share. For once, there's no need to beware.   Chicken Soup for the Soul it is! Tales of Christmas, the title is. Filled with 101 different stories From Christmas caroling to oyster worries.   "It's here!  It's here!"  Mommy screams and runs around the house, completely jolting me out of my cutie tootie sleep.  "AHH!  I can't believe it!" What's going on?  Is it cake?  Is it a plush toy?  Left over Halloween candy?  A stink bomb?   What is it? What?  WHAT!? "Look, Rosie!  It's Chicken Soup for the Soul:  Tales of Christmas .  Can you believe it?!" I offer Mommy a smile, though I'm still waking up and have no idea why she's screaming and jumping.  Can those eyes get any wider?  They aren't going to fall out are they? "There's one hundred and one stories about the holidays in here," Mo...

As Logged By:  Agent Chase Camping can be so much fun, Especially for Grandma and her son. Her three grand-babies are delighted For the bag of marshmallows has them excited. But woodland bunnies love marshmallows, too! They’ll attack before anyone can say, “BOO!” Saving Grandma will be quite rough. But her three grand-babies are tough!     It was a perfect day to go for a camping trip. Grandma packed the bags with food and her son, the Sheriff, packed the tent and tools. Three, little grand-babies watched with glee. This was their first camping trip and they knew what came once the sun went down and the fire was started. Marshmallows. Warm, gooey, roasted marshmallows. Into the woods, the five of them went. Grandma and the Sheriff singing camping songs as the babies hummed along. They pointed at threes, they watched birds fly, and they laughed at the cute bunnies bouncing across their path. If only they knew… “Who’s r...