Crazy plant lady Mommy

-

 As Logged By:


Agent West

 

Why is Mommy sneaking around

Like a thief stealing steaks by the pound?

What is that in her hand?

A seed catalogue named Plant Land?


Should I follow this crazy looney

Who’s humming an interesting tuney?

I’m scared to see what she’s up to.

Especially, when she’s talking to Aunt Sue.


What in diabolical diaper names is going on?


I’m so confused, I’m completely pooped out. Something is wrong with Mommy. Something’s snapped, for sure!


She’s gone batty, insane. She’s sipped one too many, eaten her last sanity cookie!


Don’t believe me?


“Here’s the mail,” Dad calls as he comes in the door and slaps a wad of folded papers onto the dining table. Bills, letters, nothing interesting of the sort. No diabolical packages. No stink bomb greeting cards.


“Where is it?!” Mommy frantically races into the room with her phone to her ear and claws through the pile of mail. Her mouth practically foaming! “I can’t find it, Aunt Sue!” She cries into the phone.


Curiosity gets to me worse than a poop ready to fling at Cousin JimJim.


Why is Mommy going so crazy?


I crawl onto the chair and up to the table.  I pause to rip a stinky one and smile when Mommy wrinkles her nose, then I high tail it over to the pile and help with the shuffling and searching.


What’s this shiny thing?


It can’t be anything interesting. There’s only pictures of flowers and plants on the cover and all through it.


EEK!


There’s even a section with pictures of vegetables. Hordes and hordes of vegetables!


Who in their right mind is so in love with vegetables that they want to look through page after page of pictures of vegetables?


Mommy, apparently.


“West! Give that to me.” Mommy snatches the magazine out of my hands. “It’s mine!” She growls, frightening the toots out of me. Into the phone she seethes with glee, “I’ve found it, Aunt Sue. I can’t wait to see what’s on page twenty-two.”


Mommy clings the magazine tight to her chest and hurries away, gabbing into the phone with her mouth going a mile a minute.  Something about seeds.  Another about plants.  One more about breaking the budget.


Should I follow after her? Should I see what she’s up to?


“Don’t worry, West,” Daddy reassures. “She always goes a little crazy once the garden magazines start arriving.”

 

Upcoming Log:  Diabolical cabbage and beans

Previous Log:  A New Year's poop and toot

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diabolical cabbage and beans

-
Image
 As Logged By: Agent Chase With   The Puppy The Puppy was right, I admit There was no way to go through with it. Getting everyone to eat cabbage and beans Would have been impossible, by all means. However, we’ve devised another plan. In this temporary truce between dog and man. The Puppy has many friends, you see. Who are willing to eat cabbage and beans, whoo wee!     For weeks I have been saving every scrap of Mommy’s famous cabbage and beans dish, keeping none for myself.  (Not that I want any after the last gas catastrophe.) The toy bin is filled to the rim and it’s starting to smell, but the Puppy reassures me that his friends will still dig in. “Oh, Marge, this was a wonderful idea,” one of Mommy’s friends says as she waves her hand around. “A block party for everyone and their dog. How did you think of it?” “It’s the funniest thing. I saw Chase playing with a magazine that happened to have an article about throwing one of these.”
Read more

Throwing food? I'll give it a try!

-
Image
 As Logged By: Agent Rose Please! Don’t mention eating. Not after Agent Chase’s stink infested beating. Cabbage and beans! Were there no other ways? The stink never ended for days and days! My tummy is tumbling and swirling. I fear anything I eat, I’ll end up hurling. But, I do love being a sweetie that’s diabolical. Especially, when I can do something so maniacal!     Agent Chase is going to get a stink bomb in the face! Joining with the Puppy!? Of all the diabolical schemes. She should have known that teaming up with the Puppy would make her diabolical plans explode. “Okay, Rosie. Time for some dinner.” Dinner? No way! My tummy is still too tender for any dinner. “Come on, Sweetie. You need to eat or you’ll get grumpy.” I stare at Daddy with the angriest of angry faces. Grumpy!? Does he have any idea what horrors I’ve been through? Just thinking of it makes my tummy tumble some more. The stink of dog doodie
Read more

Diabolically stealing my leftovers

-
Image
 As Logged By: Agent West I could have sworn there was more stew With delicious beef that cleared my blues. But when Mommy opened the fridge There was none for me to binge! What about a grilled cheese? Smashed, loaded, and coated to please. Is there any more of that? Or is Mommy sneaking some in her hat?     Oh, the hunger pains. The growling tummy, the rumbling stomach. If I don’t eat soon, the gas will come forth. Not the funny toots in Mommy’s face gas, either. But, painful, stuck in your tummy and refusing to come out or budge gas that can only be cured with chamomile tea. Agent Rose may love it, but I’m a diabolical dude! I want my beef stew! Where is it, Mommy? Don’t make me beg. Don’t make me cry. Don’t make me let out a toot that’ll knock your socks to the moon! “Are you hungry, West?” Mommy coos, completely oblivious to the hungry beast about to be unleashed. “Ah!” I let out as a warning and point to the fridge.
Read more