Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent West What is this green looking glob? It looks like a cousin of the monstrous blob. You want me to eat these greens? I’d rather have a bowl of sardines. They look all wet and shiny And just a bit too slimy. They smell like Daddy’s old boot, And worse than a puppy’s toot.     I’ve heard of creamed spinach. I’ve heard of collard greens. But… What in the diabolical universe is this stuff? A gangly green blob all tangled together that squishes and gurgles whenever I poke it. Even a diabolical dude like me would never touch that. Unless I want to fling it in someone’s hair. Even then, I might still want to wear a big pair of gloves. GLURP! Yuck! A green bubble just popped in my face, spraying green juice right in my mouth. Gross! It smells like one of Daddy’s old boots and tastes just as bad. It reminds me of Agent Chase and the Puppy’s poop attack. Give me a can of those salty fish...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose There’s a toy tiger in the window, Sitting right next to a pink flamingo. His little spots are so, so cute. But, Daddy thinks I should get a flute! A flute will be nice, or maybe five. Especially to torment parents while they drive. But, this diabolical baby wants her tiger. Here come the eyes with a little, “Grr.”     “No, Rosie. You don’t need a toy tiger. You already have a teddy bear from your friend, West.” Ah, yes. My adorable, abominable, stinkety stink bear. He’s cute and cuddly and perfectly stinky when I want to surprise someone with a toot, but I’d like a tiger. Please, Daddy. Please, please, please! “Oh, don’t you dare give me those adorable eyes. I’m getting you a flute.” A flute? Hmm… let me think about that. A flute might be nice. I could certainly use it to my advantage against Mommy and Daddy. It could prove quite diabolical. Have you just fallen asleep? Here, let me...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase Mommy might be a little crazy She's yelling and sprinting toward the daisies. I don't think I've done anything diabolical, Though I was planning something quite comical. Huh, there goes a fluffy tail sprinting along Now, two and three.  Neither one singing a song. Is that Mommy's flowers in their cheeks? I hope they don't go after the leeks.  “OH, NO YOU DON’T!” Huh? What did I do? Has Mommy already found out about my latest diabolical plan? She couldn’t have. It’s not possible. “I’M GOING TO GET YOU!!!!!” I hold perfectly still as I wait for whatever will come next. There goes Mommy racing past my sandbox. Her face redder than her beets, her teeth gritted tighter than a shark’s. Never once does she look over, never once does she notice the two stink pies I’ve hidden between shovel and pail. The very ones I plan to throw right in her face at the precise moment when she’ll least expect it. The ver...

As Logged By: Agent West Agent Rose may have succeeded In clogging the toilet while I weeded. Refried beans and applesauce definitely work. Hearing that certainly made me smirk. That clogged toilet was quickly fixed, however. So, I’ve thought of a way to make it forever! Squeaky toys and toilet paper galore Wait until you hear Mommy roar!     I certainly have fallen for her cuteness. Agent Rose, how truly diabolical you are. Only a baby like you could eat so much that you successfully clog the toilet with your toots. Ha! So perfect, so cute, so…. Diabolical. Too bad it only took a few pushes of the plunger and all was fixed. But, Agent Rose doesn’t care. She’s moving on to something involving cake, so I hear. A cake to the face? I cake to the rear? I can’t wait to hear! Meanwhile, I think I’m going to up this clogged toilet bit a notch. This will require some abominable planning. I don’t want to clog the toilet...