Diabolical greens

 As Logged By:

Agent West

What is this green looking glob?

It looks like a cousin of the monstrous blob.

You want me to eat these greens?

I’d rather have a bowl of sardines.

They look all wet and shiny

And just a bit too slimy.

They smell like Daddy’s old boot,

And worse than a puppy’s toot.

 

 

I’ve heard of creamed spinach.

I’ve heard of collard greens.

But…

What in the diabolical universe is this stuff?

A gangly green blob all tangled together that squishes and gurgles whenever I poke it. Even a diabolical dude like me would never touch that. Unless I want to fling it in someone’s hair. Even then, I might still want to wear a big pair of gloves.

GLURP!

Yuck! A green bubble just popped in my face, spraying green juice right in my mouth.

Gross!

It smells like one of Daddy’s old boots and tastes just as bad. It reminds me of Agent Chase and the Puppy’s poop attack. Give me a can of those salty fish things. What are they… Sardines! Give me a whole barrel of those. I’ll gobble them down before I’d ever take a bite of this experimental monster from another universe! This glob is from a galaxy of the stinky kind.

“You’re eating your greens, Mister, or no play date at little Rosie’s today,” Mommy threatens and thrusts her fists to her hips. She widens her stare with a ‘try me’ intensity.

Two can play at this game, Mommy. I’m not called an abominably diabolical dude for nothing.

“Don’t even think about it,” she warns just as I was about to grab the whole thing and throw it in her hair. “You’re eating those greens.”

Those diabolical greens, you mean? Not in a million years!

Mommy grabs a fork, she stabs the green mass. I swear that I heard it squeak.

“Open wide.”

No way! No how! Not gonna happen!

Mommy pinches her lips, she lifts an eyebrow. “Look! It’s Rosie!”

Where!? I look where she’s pointing only to see nothing.

That wasn’t funny…

YUCK! I turn back around only for her to surprise me with a forkful of slimy greens shoved into my mouth. They taste worse than one of Daddy’s boots! This is abhorrent! This is catastrophic! This is…

BLEEAACCK!!!!

“UH!” Mommy wails at the pukey green glob now splattered on her shirt. “Oh, this smells awful!”

Away Mommy runs to find a new shirt before she pukes all over the floor, too. This may not have been a diabolical mission, but I’d call this round of torment a success.

Now, for the finale!

I grab the green glob, hold my breath, and give it a hurl.

Yes, yes this stuff does stick to the walls.

 

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