Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    Birthday parties are the best! I especially love going with Agent West. But, if today's party is for Auntie P, Then why is the costume on me?   Gotten a laugh at my expense has she? Dear, oh dear, silly Auntie P.    She's forgotten I'm a diabolical cutie Capable of making stinky pirate booty.    "Ahoy, ye land lover!"  Auntie P shouts with a mock growl.  "Where be the prisoner?"   "Oh, Aunt P," Mommy chuckles, "you've really outdone yourself this time."   Auntie P shoves her plastic sword straight at Mommy.  "No more dodging the question.  Where be the prisoner?"    "Right here," Daddy intervenes before things get out of hand with Auntie P.  He lifts me into the air, showing off the pirate costume he made me wear.   I must admit, this diabolical cutie didn't mind the outfit at first.  A pirate baby, how diabolically adorable!  But, then they clipped a toy parr...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase With  The Puppy   The heat has my diaper sweating Worse than a terrible bed wetting Mommy's determined to go blueberry picking Regardless of my screaming and kicking.   What, the Puppy is here, too?! With the entire canine crew. I can still be diabolical today I'll get these dogs dancing better than on Broadway.    "WWWAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"   "We're going, Chase," Mommy declares.  "And that's final!"   She grabs my jumper and heaves it on in one swoop.  I glare up at her, threatening another wail.   "What do you have against picking blueberries, Chase?  Hmm?"   Have you been outside, Mommy?  It's warm enough to melt my diaper.  I've sweated through this one enough to keep Noah's Ark afloat.     I think about wailing again, I really do.  Anything to stop Mommy's plans.     However, I wait.    I wait until she's gotten everything together...

 As Logged By: Agent West   Tooting in bed is always fun. Especially, when the stench makes Mommy run.  Let's kick it up a notch With a moldy butterscotch.   Not stinky enough? I've got more powerful stuff. This diabolical dude is ready To try out my ultimate stink teddy!    PPPHHHHHRRRRRFFFFFTTTTTHHHHHHHT!   "Ugh, West!"  Mommy screeches and grabs her nose.  "That is disgusting."   "It is pretty bad," Daddy tries to say without laughing, though he fails completely.  "I bet it's all those baked beans he ate."   Yes, yes it is Daddy.  They tasted so good and, now, I'm taking full advantage of their gasseous power.    PPPHHHHHRRRRRFFFFFTTTTTHHHHHHHT!   "Eww!  That's it!"  Mommy screams as she runs.  "I can't take the smell anymore!"     Ha!  Another diabolical mission accomplished!  Agent Chase will be proud!  Nothing stops this diabolical dude from stinking up the ...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose  Cousin Molly is back again And her attitude is ready to begin She's already called me fat And I paid her back for that.   What's this?!  She's acting nice? Until she lets loose her mice. I screamed so hard I couldn't nap. Wait till she sees what I drop in her lap!   Summer has sprung and this diabolical cutie is ready for some fun!   A family get together with water slides, slip n' slides, and snow cones, too?  Sign me up, let me get my bathing suit on.   "Thank you for having us over, Grace," Mommy sighs as she leans back in a beach chair.     "We were due for a family reunion," Aunt Grace sighs right next to her.  "And, besides, it was easy when all I had to do was set up the table.  Everyone else brought the food and Charles got everything ready for the kids water fun."   I glance over at Uncle Charles, where he is tying another hose onto a slide.     OOOOHHHHHH!!!!!  ...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase    Mommy has surprised me with a dog Scaring Gobbles until he looks like a frog.  A temporary stay still sounds too long. Sniffle, sniffle, something's wrong!   My eyes won't stop tearing  Is it allergies that I'm fearing? Agent West!  Agent Rose! Please, oh please, help my nose!  "Woof!  Woof!  Woof!"   "Gobble, gobble!"   "WOOF!"   What is this that I hear?  A dog barking somewhere near?   Is this canine in the house?  Apparently, for my baby, Gobbles, is running about.  He's screeching and gobbling and running into the furniture.     What, oh what, is going on?  "Good morning, Chase.  Look!"  Mommy announces with excitement.  "We have a visitor."   I look where Mommy is pointing.  Twirling in circles and trying to catch her tail is a pup I've seen once before.   "Tootles is going to be staying with us for the whole weekend!...

 As Logged By: Agent West   He dreamed to fly and soar. He loved to hear the engine's roar. He wanted to be in the sky, Even after they said he couldn't fly.   I love to hear Uncle Rex's tale I promise not to toot or wail.  One may escape, but I really want to hear About his discovered talent from that year.      "West," Mommy says with her warning tone.  "Be nice to Uncle Rex."   Uncle Rex?  Uncle Rex?    Have I heard of this Uncle Rex?   Should I get some stink bombs ready, or a special toot that'll make him hoot?  Who is this Uncle Rex?   "He's very old, so no wise tricks.  Got it, Mister?"  She stares down with that frightening, widened glare.   As fast as I can, I scooch and crawl.  Out of the kitchen and through the hall.  I look in the living room, I look in the dining room.  I blow a spit bubble, but, still, I see no sign of this Uncle Rex.   VRROOOOMMMMM!!!!   The ...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    My first time gardening on Mother's Day Was such fun that I shouted, "Hurray!" Colorful tulips were planted here and there So many, it could feed a bear!   I can't stop looking at the cute bunny He's acting so adorably funny. Until he eats a tulip in one chomp! This baby's mad!  I'm about to stomp!    Look at those beauties!  Look at them!   Red, purple, and blue.  Plus yellow, orange, and multicolored, too!   It's a carpet of tulips!  So many I could go for a swim, so many it looks like a never ending sea, so many it could feed a bear.  Well, maybe.  I decided to put aside my diabolical side this Mother's Day and helped Mommy in the flower beds.  I could have thrown dirt down her pants, I could have hidden her tools so she couldn't find them, but I didn't do any of it.  This diabolical sweetie decided to just be a cute, normal sweetie for the day.   And I am so glad I did! ...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   Mother's day is finally here! And what does Mommy want this year? Nothing more than to relax and sleep. She's hoping for me not to make a peep.   Me be diabolical on Mother's Day? Mommy's expecting it, did she say?  Do I promise not even to make a toot? HA!  That would be a hoot!   Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!   Pop, pop, smash.  Pop, pop, crash!  Pop, pop, bing, bang, boom, BASH!   "Chase, I haven't even had a chance to take a sip of coffee," Mommy groans.  "How have you already gotten every pot and pan out?  Don't you know it's Mother's Day?"   Yes, of course I know it's Mother's Day.  Why else would I be playing such a diabolically musical masterpiece?   Pop, pop, ding-a-ling...   HEY!   Daddy has come to save the day.   "Sorry, Chase, but today is Mother's Day," he says as he takes away my wooden spoons.  "And Mommy wants nothing more than to relax and catch up o...

 As Logged By:  Agent West   I could wear it in my hair Or stuff it in Daddy's underwear. Let's plop a glob on the floor  And add another and some more!    Mommy's screaming as she's slipping. Daddy's running is mostly tripping.  Who will fall on the floor first? Uh oh, now my diaper's burst!  It's spaghetti day!   I love spaghetti.  I do, I do, I do.  It's squishy and sticky.  Perfect for this diabolical dude.   "Make sure you actually eat some this time," Mommy says with a pointed look.   Don't worry, Mommy.  I always make sure I eat some of your spaghetti.  It's so creamy and rich, just perfect to pinch.   I squeeze some between my fingers, but Mommy is watching.  Down the hatch!  I happily chew and gulp it down.   Mommy gives a satisfied smile and turns around.   Perfect timing, Mommy.   I was feeling ready for a change in hair styles.  Another big, big, big, big pinch....

As Logged By: Agent Rose   Painful insides and running fever This diabolical cutie needs a reliever Not a bit of food can I eat Without it coming up in a great feat.    A trip to the hospital? Anything to stop it all. Should I eat along the way? And make a great, pukey display.   Oh, yes.  It got me.   It really, really did.     The coughing, the puking, the tender tummy, the gas.  The pooping!   Oh, the pooping.    Oh, the puking! "Is she keeping anything down?"  Daddy asks after tiptoeing to my bed.   "Nothing.  Let's check her fever."   Mommy and Daddy get the thermometer.  I try to wriggle away as they press it against my ear.  No!  I don't want my temperature taken.  I push it away, only to push too hard.   PPPPHHHHHFFFFFFFRRRRRTTTTTTHHHHHTTTT!   "Wow!  That one smells like forgotten scrambled eggs," Daddy gags and takes a step back.   "Poor thing," Mommy pouts....

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase   An Easter celebration with family Can be crazy with my Uncle Stanley. He plots and schemes on where to hide The eggs filled with goodies inside.   I do love a bit of fun So I've made some eggs for everyone. A little surprise awaits them all. Did Uncle Stanley take a backward fall?   Ah, a sunny day and family all around.   Don't worry, Daddy.  Don't you fret, Mommy.  This diabolical mastermind has no intentions of pulling off any dastardly mayhem.  My diabolical schemes are special, just for you.   Easter celebration is the best.  He is risen.  Yes!   What a way to celebrate than by filling Easter eggs and hiding them all around?  I dare say, I might like searching through the ground.  Especially, if I find any chocolate with peanut butter filling inside.     "Don't let the kids see where I'm going!"  Crazy Uncle Stanley hisses as he darts past with a bag full of...

 As Logged By: Agent West  Planting season is here at last, So Mommy's having a big old blast. Tomatoes, cucumbers, and radishes.  Oh, my! It's too much for this diabolical guy.   The tomatoes?  I wouldn't touch those! Not even with Granny's water hose. Where are those bright red globs? All I see are stringy, green blobs.    Mommy is at it again.  She has her seeds, her pots, her tools, and her dirt.   That awesomely awesome dirt.   But!  I've learned my lesson.  Don't pull the seedlings.  Even if they don't look at cool as the coolness of dirt.  Don't pull the seedlings!   The dining table is filled with trays.  Some for cucumbers, yuck!  Some for flowers, meh.  Some for radishes, oh no.  One touch from a warm day and they turn into firecrackers of spicy heat!   There's no room to play.  There's no room to run.  There's no room to throw spitballs, or toot bombs, or have any typ...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose Agent Rose's Mom    I typed and typed and typed away. Chicken Soup for the Soul accepted it, hurray! Rosie doesn't care a lick She just wants to poke it with a stick.   Knock, knock on the door? Is Grampa in an uproar? A story about him is in a book! Watch him go completely bazook!  "Yes, Dad," I say into the phone.  All the while, I'm keeping my eye on a certain little lady whose hand keeps diabolically reaching into a nook that must be hiding something sneaky.  "The title is Chicken Soup for the Soul:  What I Learned from My Dog ."  "You say it's the story about me and Tank?"  He giddily asks and I try to remember when was the last time I heard him this excited.  "Where can I buy it?"   "It's available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble , but I have your copy here."   CLUNK!   The phone lines drops.  Am I concerned?  Of course, I am!   Dad almost had a heart attack last Christma...