Mission Log of the Diabolical Baby Brigade

 As Logged By: Agent Rose   Mommy's stuck fighting lumps That look somewhat like moldy bumps. But, it does smell quite delightful And I'm not yet full.   Down the hatch should they go? What if it tastes like old Play-doh? I'll have Mommy taste a bit. Hmm... Someone's having a fit.    What on Earth is Mommy making?   It better not be meant for eating!   Gooey, brown lumps keep dropping every time she lifts her spoon.     SPLAT, SPLUT, GLUNK!   Yuk.   "I can't get these lumps to dissolve!"  Mommy exclaims and gives the lumpy yuk another swift stir.  "What am I doing wrong?  Look, Rosie, what do you think?"   Before I can protest, Mommy picks me up.  Over to the stove she brings me to stare down into a pot of moldy bumps and steam.   Yuk.    "Can you believe what's happened to my gravy?"  Mommy asks and my eyes bulge.   That can't be gravy!   "I know, I know.  You're just...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   I'm here to splash and play Like I'm doing water ballet. Bubbles flying everywhere. Until Mommy falls off her chair!   Splash, splash, splash galore. There goes Mommy on the floor. Wait, did I just yawn? Oh, poop.  The water's gone.    Slap!  Smack!     SPLASH!!!!   "Chase," Mommy huffs.  "You're driving me crazy."     She tries to give her very best glare, but I can't help laughing when her face's covered with bubbles like a bath time teddy bear.  As soon as she wipes them away, I splash the water again.   "Stop!  You're supposed to be calming down."   "Did you use the lavender bottle?"  Daddy asks and ducks his head in to check.   "Of course, I did," Mommy seethes.  "Can't you smell it?"   Smell it?   I give a sniff and, yes, there is a nice lavender scent.  How thoughtful of Mommy to make my bath time smell so lovely.  Should I...

 As Logged By: Agent West   Nigerian Dwarfs are so delightful Their colors are such a sightful! Have you heard the diabolical tale, The one involving a small hay bale?   Bugsy is in a tizzy! Worse than itty, bitty Lizzie. Slam!  Wham!  Bash!  Crash! No treats?  Well, gotta dash.    As if the chicken suit wasn't enough, now this diabolical dude is dressed in overalls and a hat made of scruff.   "Ah, smell that country air!"   All I can smell, Mommy, is the stink of animal poopy.   "Which horse is she going to be showing?"  Mommy asks the farmer, whom I assume is named Ted.   "That one over there," the farmer, that I've nicknamed Ted, answers.  He points at a tall horse, bigger than the stink of a stink bomb three thousand!  The dark grey steed lifts his head and poses.     Leading Mommy away from the horses, this farmer, who's very possibly named Ted, brings us to a group of animals that are as...

 As Logged By:  Agent Rose   The agents want a diabolical fright. I'm looking for a diabolical candy night! I'll use this costume to the max, Even it this chicken, 'quacks.'   Cousin Molly is up in arms. Eight legs, in fact.  Oh, look!  Kiwi farms! Ninjas, Ghostbusters, and more. Funny outfits and cuteness galore!   "Trunk or treat!"   "Quack!"   All the grownups start to laugh.  "Rose, chickens peep, not quack."   Ah, that may be, dear, dear Mommy.  But, look at my bag and look at the others.  Look at the fistfuls of candy being dumped inside.  More and more they pour.  All the while, they're too silly with laughter.   "Quack!"   Agent Chase and Agent West may want to pout.  And I get it, I understand.  We look abominably goofy dressed up as the three little chickies.     Three mounds of feathers, that's what our Mommies have turned us into...   BUT!   While one chick...

 As Logged By: Agent Chase   The mommies have dressed us as chickens! Meanwhile, the cold in my head thickens.  All I want to do is sleep! I'm not interested in making a peep.   Trunk or treat is the new in I don't even know where to begin. Sniffle, sniffle, snot, snot. Inspector Gadget is the hot spot.    How grand...   "Achoo!"   This baby is, now, dressed like a chicken.   "Achoo!"   From what I hear, Agent West and Agent Rose are too.  Apparently, our mommies all got together and thought it would be cute, or funny... cute and funny to dress us babies as one, big flock.   This calls for a serious diabolical plan...   "Achoo!"   Maybe some other time.   "Achoo!"    "Uh oh.  Sounds like someone has the sniffles."   This is more than sniffles!  How can a diabolical mastermind think when there's a vise squeezing around her head?   Well, a vise and a hood designed to look like a chicke...

 As Logged By: Agent West    Here comes Cousin JimJim Munching on a spicy Slim Jim. He thinks he can scare me? Not this diabolical dude, you'll see.   But, I have quite the scare For Cousin JimJim, if he'll dare. Scream, scream here and there. Cousin JimJim screaming everywhere!    "Guess what today is?"   Mommy throws a sickly sweet grin.  All the while, I'm staring at the hairy mole glued to her chin.     Time to get that removed,  I would say.  Too bad I haven't learned to speak other than diabolical baby squeaks.     "It's the family Halloween party.  I have the cutest costume for you."   NO!   NO!   NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!   I may be adorable.  I may be abominable.  I may be really good at blowing spit bubbles.  BUT THIS DIABOLICAL DUDE DOES NOT DO CUTE!   Especially, with a certain Cousin JimJim coming as well.  He'll make sure I'm the center of the l...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    Just a simple rhyme. Beans that don't impress. Barely even sweet, Try adding a beet. Perfect Yumminess!   Just a simple rhyme. Toots are never gone. Bittersweet cookies, Hiding all the zucchies. Add in a fake yawn.    Just a simple rhyme. A diabolical time. Beauty and the beans.   A picnic in the park is what it's all about!  Nothing is better than a family reunion full of food.   There's beans, cookies, beans, hot dogs, beans, fruit salad, beans, and more beans.   Yes, there are that many bowls and plates of beans on the table.  With so many beans displayed about, you know this diabolical cutie has a plan ready to pop out.   I can't complain.  I love my beans.  I do, I do, I do.   "Here's some cut up hot dogs and some baked beans," Daddy says as he carefully carries the paper tray to where this diabolical beauty is sitting in the comfy shade.  "I know you pointed at all of the p...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase   Crazy Heidi has come and gone After yelling like Star Trek's crazy Khan. Did my diabolical scheme task her? Ha!  Of that I'm sure!   Yummy pasta for dinner. Chocolate cake is always a winner. Found a container for leftovers? Uh oh, where's the lid with the clovers?    "I don't know what to think!"   Daddy helplessly watches Mommy as she throws her arms into the air.  "At least your friend isn't complaining about everything anymore."   "That's because she isn't here!"   Even I have to crawl a step back after that loud wail.  Mommy takes a few deep breaths, she glances at the half empty wine bottle, and she takes another breath.  A really, really big one.   "I still don't understand how Chase managed to switch the wine out for vinegar."   "Are you sure the wine wasn't bad?"  Daddy asks with a lift of his brow.  "How could a baby manage to do something as crazy as that?...

 As Logged By:  Agent West   What's that jumping up and down? It's making it impossible to keep my frown. "Oo, oo.  Ee, ee.  Ah, ah." I cave with a smile.  Then, tata!?   Wait, take me back. I don't want a snack. I want to see more of that! Uh, oh.  What have I done with my hat?    Why have you brought me here?   This place smells like a zoo!   Oh, poopy diapers...   "Welcome to the zoo!"  A recorded announcer repeats over the speakers.  "Please enjoy the view of turtles, anteaters,..."   Oh, oh, poopy of pooped diapers.   How conflicted can this diabolical dude feel!?  I love going to the zoo, but I'm supposed to be grumpy, snotty, and mad.   I had a diabolical scheme.  A spit bubble perfect of an idea.  I was going to make a mess like never before.  Strewn toilet paper, stink bombs set and ready to toot, and splattered putty everywhere!   Now, what do I do?   "Look, ...

 As Logged By: Agent Rose    This plan took some time To come to its prime. So long that I forgot, Until Mommy screamed a lot.   What's this inside the pocket That makes Mommy jump like a rocket? Look at that fuzzy, black hair. It is growing everywhere!    What is that noise waking me from my midday nap?   VROOM, VROOM!  SREECH!  THUNK!   There is no way that Mommy will hear me, even if I scream my loudest baby wail.  Fine, fine.  I'll get up.   Up and over I roll and crawl all the way to the door.  The sound is coming from across the hall, so I continue to crawl.   And, what do I see when I make it in there?   A great big behind sticking up in the air!   Oh, wait.  That's Mommy's rear end.  Sticking half out of the closet.  What is she doing in there?   VROOM, VROOM!  SREECH!  THUNK!   Out from the closet she tosses a bag.  One of hers from her hiking days. ...

 As Logged By:  Agent Chase   Mommy loves being neat and tidy Especially when getting a visit from Heidi. Each lid is in its place. Every container with its own space.   What kind of baby would I be If I didn't have a diabolical spree? Hide one here, hide one there. Mommy's going to search everywhere!   Mommy runs from the living room to the kitchen, hurriedly tidying.     "What time is it?"  She wails from the bathroom, where she's perfecting the downward folded arrow on the toilet paper.   "You've still got half an hour," Daddy groans.  "Please relax.  I thought you said that Heidi was your friend."   "She may be my friend, but that doesn't stop her from peering all over the house and commenting on everything she sees that's not up to her standards.  Ugh!  She never fails to find something wrong.  Well," Mommy lets out an insanely diabolical laugh.  "Not this time!"    A pillow on the sofa i...

 As Logged By:  Agent West   It won't come across as rude To boast of being a diabolical dude, Not when the grandparents strut their stuff Until Mommy is ready to yell, "Enough!"   Spit bubbles and fart boxes, oh my! What else is hiding under Grandpa's tie? Cousin JimJim, beware! I've found something that is quite a scare!    "Where's my little Wubbin?"  Grandma squeals and reaches out her hands.   I gotta reach out, too.  This little, diabolical dude knows what's coming after giving Grandma a hug from her little Wubbin.   "Who wants some iced cinnamon rolls and just-out-of-the-smoker brisket?"   ME!!!!!!!!!!!   "Don't spoil him like that," Mommy complains.  She lets her purse fall onto the sofa, looking ready to fall onto there herself.  Hehe, haha!  "Not after the toot attack he set off as soon as we got in the car."    "He's a growing boy, they all make a stink."   "That grandson of mine is ...

 As Logged By:   Agent Rose Agent Rose's Mom   "If You Give a Moose a Muffin" Is fun to read to my little puffin. I've read it so much and a bit, That I'm starting to sound like it.   The microphone looked like such fun. Until my baby turned into a spray gun. I should have seen it coming, Watch out!  Puke incoming!      If you start sorting old boxes, you’ll find a beloved trinket or two.    One of them is your old microphone from the days that you voice-overed.   Seeing your microphone, you’ll wonder if you’ve still got it.   Wondering will turn to excitement, so you’ll take it downstairs to your computer.   As you connect your old microphone, your daughter will peek in the room.    If she takes a peek, she’ll see the microphone and ask what it is.    Upon learning that it’s a microphone, she’ll ask if she can play with it.   Since she’s sick with a cold, you’ll give in and let her have a t...