A Diabolically Annoyed Mommy

 As Logged By:

Agent Chase

 

Mommy was down with a cold,

Feeling groggy and very old.

Now, she's trying to catch up

On her work that's piled up.

 

Look out, here's Agent Chase!

Causing mayhem all over the place.

 Distractions here and there

Toots and cahoots everywhere!

 

I've never understood why people are always in such a rush to grow up.

 

Seriously, why?

 

So that they can groan and yawn and ache and moan the whole day long, desperately trying to catch up on deadlines like Mommy's doing?

 

I think I'll stay a little baby, thank you very much.

 

A diabolical one at that.

 

Speaking of which...  I'm due for some diabolicalness.  Poor Mommy was nothing short of a gross ball of moaning snot for the last few days.  I felt so sorry for her, that I even delayed a toot bomb maze I had planned for her.  A real stinker of sauerkraut and swiss cheese. 

But, now, she's stuck in front of that computer.  Staring at the screen and typing away.  Something about a deadline.  Something about getting a chapter done.  I have no idea, I'm just the innocent (all be it diabolical) baby, after all.

 

I look up at Mommy typing away.

 

Man, this is boring.  

 

I'm stuck in this playpen with nothing but toys to entertain me.  No stink ray guns, no pies, not even my pet turkey, Gobbles.  He's too busy finishing his breakfast.

 

Grabbing one of those light weight ball pit balls, I turn it over in my hand before giving it a toss straight for Mommy's head.

 

"What in the world!?"  Mommy jumps when it strikes.  "Chase, did you throw this at me?"

 

Maybe...

 

"I need to get this writing done.  Play by yourself for a little longer, please," Mommy says and hands the ball back to me.

 

Of course, I only wait a few seconds and, then, I toss it again.  This time whacking the keyboard, and nearly missing the coffee mug.

 

"Chase!  I can't have anymore distractions," Mommy warns and keeps the ball on her desk rather than giving it back to me.

 

Smart, Mommy, very smart.  You're on to my game.  It does take a diabolical Mommy to make a diabolical baby.  But, I'm not done.  Not by a long shot.

 

I scrunch my face.  I give a little push.

 

PPFFFFFGGGGHHHHHHHHTTTTTTHHHHHTTTT!

 

"Seriously!"  Mommy tilts her head and gives me a stare.  "I see that grin, little one.  I know you did that to get my attention."

 

And, yet, Mommy has no choice.  Clicking save on her file, she dutifully comes over to change my ultimately smelly diaper.

 

"You just went poopy not ten minutes ago."

 

I know!

 

I smile real sweetly.  A smile that rivals Agent Rose's cuteness.  It works to charm Mommy and she can't help but laugh.

 

"Alright," she says as she sets me back down.  "I'm almost done.  Just a few more minutes.  Okay?"

 

A few more minutes?!  That isn't very much.  If I'm going to send Mommy to crazy land, I'd better do it fast.

 

What to do?  What to do?

 

Suddenly, my baby hand finds a tiny corn cob.  Something I must have stashed away and forgot about.  It's not too old, just aged enough.

 

Let's see if this works.

 

One, two, three.

 

"Gah, Gah!"

 

And...  Toss!

 

"Gobble, gobble!"  Comes the infamous call, followed by scurrying claws and flapping wings.  "Gobble, gobble!"

 

"Chase!"  Mommy cries when the corn cob nabs her in the back, but it's the ravenous turkey coming at her that has her really screaming.  "Gobbles, no!"

 

Too late!

 

Crashing into Mommy to get to that corn cob, Gobbles knocks everything down.  Papers flying one way, the keyboard flying another.  Mommy's hair is stuck in one of Gobble's legs and I'm pretty sure he just tooted.

 

Mommy looks at the mess, looks at the turkey, she gives me a stare, one that may be a glare.

 

"I'm getting another cup of coffee," she grumbles, setting Gobbles next to me in my pen.  "Maybe the whole pot or, maybe, a full gallon."

 

Diabolical mission accomplished.

 

 

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