Diabolical Green Tomatoes

-

 As Logged By:

Agent West 


Planting season is here at last,

So Mommy's having a big old blast.

Tomatoes, cucumbers, and radishes.  Oh, my!

It's too much for this diabolical guy.

 

The tomatoes?  I wouldn't touch those!

Not even with Granny's water hose.

Where are those bright red globs?

All I see are stringy, green blobs.

 

 Mommy is at it again.  She has her seeds, her pots, her tools, and her dirt.
 
That awesomely awesome dirt.
 
But!  I've learned my lesson.  Don't pull the seedlings.  Even if they don't look at cool as the coolness of dirt.  Don't pull the seedlings!
 
The dining table is filled with trays.  Some for cucumbers, yuck!  Some for flowers, meh.  Some for radishes, oh no.  One touch from a warm day and they turn into firecrackers of spicy heat!
 
There's no room to play.  There's no room to run.  There's no room to throw spitballs, or toot bombs, or have any type of diabolical fun.
 
What's a diabolical dude to do?
 
"I've worked really hard to get these tomatoes going, so don't even think of touching them.  Got it, little man!?"  Mommy gives me her warning glare.
 
Me?  Touch the tomatoes?  
 
Surely she jests.  I love tomatoes.  I love those bright red globs that squish when you squeeze them and taste particularly yummy in a burger.  
 
I love tomatoes.  I love them, I love them, I love them.
 
But...
 
Where are they?
 
I look down at the big tray of sprouting pots.  All I see is glorious dirt and spindly green things.  Where are the red globs?  Where are the spheres of juicy squishiness?  

Nothing but green seedlings getting in the way of the yummy, red tomatoes.
 
Does Mommy not see that these are blocking the red globs from growing?
 
"Honey," Daddy calls from the bathroom.  "I know you're sprouting your seeds, but I really need the counter space to shave and brush my teeth."
 
As Mommy huffs and starts to leave the room, I point down at the gangly greens.  She pauses and takes a look.  One glance at me, one and the gangly greens, one more back at me.  
 
"What are you getting at?"  She asks and hurries to help Daddy make room to shave and get rid of sleepy breath.
 
Apparently, she doesn't realize that these greens are blocking out the deliciously, red tomatoes.
 
Hmm...  Maybe I should help her a bit.  She does have way too many seed trays going.  

I'll just pull one from here, and one from there. 
 
Haha!  
 
This is fun.
 
Pull, pull, pull I go.  Pulling gangly greens and making way for tomatoes.  Mommy will be so happy, Mommy will be so proud.
 
There!  Nothing but glorious dirt, all ready for juicy, red tomatoes.
 
"West!?  What have you done!?"  Mommy screeches when she comes back in the room.
 
I've gotten rid of those green blobs, Mommy.  Every single one of them is gone, gone, gone.
 
As Mommy falls to the floor, I accept that as a compliment and proudly declare,
 
You're welcome.
 
 
Upcoming Log:
 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Diabolical New Year's Resolutions

-
Image
 As Logged By: Agent Rose The new year has sprung at last With a party that was a blast. What to do with so much cake? That Mommy clearly didn't need to bake. The time has come for this undercover sweetie To be diabolical with Mommy's sweet tea. It needs a little extra flavor. Some added carrot that she can savor.  What a party!  What a blast!   We rang in the new year.  I partied so hard that I ran out of toots!   Now, morning has come and I am ready for some applesauce.   When I go into the kitchen, however, I am met with a sight that has me gasping in awe.   How many cakes did Mommy make?  Sure, we sang and cheered.  Sure, we invited family and friends.  Sure...   But, it wasn't that many people.   Cakes are stacked here.  Cakes are stacked there.  When did she make a double layer red velvet cake?  I don't remember seeing that last night.   And I thought the piles of Christmas cookies was too much. ...
Read more

The Marshmallow Grandma Strikes Back

-
Image
 As Logged By: Agent West The Sheriff and three babies succeeded! They saved Grandma and the bunnies were defeated. But Grandma knew the bunnies would come back. Who can resist a delicious marshmallow snack? Marshmallows, marshmallows everywhere Until the bunnies start to shout, “Beware!” A magic spell that turns them into marshmallows too? Sounds too far fetched to be true.     I love the story of how the Sheriff and three babies saved Grandma from the marshmallow crazed bunnies almost as much as I love blowing a good spit bubble. But, Agent Chase left the best part out.   Do you want to know how that Grandma made sure they could keep going camping and keep roasting their marshmallows without ever fearing of another bunny attack?   As the story goes: The Grandma, the Sheriff, and the three babies all cheered.  They hooted and tooted that they escaped the crazy bunnies' lair.   "That was some stench!"  Grandma c...
Read more

Diabolical cabbage and beans

-
Image
 As Logged By: Agent Chase With   The Puppy The Puppy was right, I admit There was no way to go through with it. Getting everyone to eat cabbage and beans Would have been impossible, by all means. However, we’ve devised another plan. In this temporary truce between dog and man. The Puppy has many friends, you see. Who are willing to eat cabbage and beans, whoo wee!     For weeks I have been saving every scrap of Mommy’s famous cabbage and beans dish, keeping none for myself.  (Not that I want any after the last gas catastrophe.) The toy bin is filled to the rim and it’s starting to smell, but the Puppy reassures me that his friends will still dig in. “Oh, Marge, this was a wonderful idea,” one of Mommy’s friends says as she waves her hand around. “A block party for everyone and their dog. How did you think of it?” “It’s the funniest thing. I saw Chase playing with a magazine that happened to have an article about thro...
Read more